Abracadabra
6/24/25 07:24 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alasanonThere’s something a bit fun about backdating from the end of the year sometimes. Much as it’s ultimately more satisfying to actually read things that were put forth at the time, to have that diary lurking, full of accuracy and timeliness, the hop-skip of writing things out later, as they occur to me and in a bit of a rush.
Well.
It’s very adhd of me, I suppose. Run it up to the deadline and make it happen anyway, with as much skill and talent and vibrancy as you can muster! Go for it!!
But that is, of course, part of the problem. I’ve done this my entire life and it is, ultimately, exhausting. So many sleepless nights for no reason, so much time blasted out of existence (time is an illusion, but then where does it go?), so many school assignments completed the night before.
What would it have been like to have actually worked on them appropriately, for a few minutes or an hour or so each day, until they were completed? I have, actually, an excellent sense of how much time something will take, it’s just that I can’t seem to bring myself to parcel it out, it must all be spent at once. I’m not a car, I’m a rocket(man).
Art has always been the same way. I know, intellectually, that the way to improve is to practice constantly, and the way to produce a beautiful thing is to work on it slowly, over time. AND YET. I cannot seem to complete a thing I have to work on over multiple sessions. I had a very short span in my …late-twenties to thirties-ish, I think? where I had something like patience, something like stamina.
Now, I can barely track intentions once I look away from whatever I’m doing.
This post brought to you by being unable to remember a simple thing, opening my phone to look it up, and getting lost in it for almost twenty minutes. MY GOD (what have i done)
(to deserve this)
Well.
It’s very adhd of me, I suppose. Run it up to the deadline and make it happen anyway, with as much skill and talent and vibrancy as you can muster! Go for it!!
But that is, of course, part of the problem. I’ve done this my entire life and it is, ultimately, exhausting. So many sleepless nights for no reason, so much time blasted out of existence (time is an illusion, but then where does it go?), so many school assignments completed the night before.
What would it have been like to have actually worked on them appropriately, for a few minutes or an hour or so each day, until they were completed? I have, actually, an excellent sense of how much time something will take, it’s just that I can’t seem to bring myself to parcel it out, it must all be spent at once. I’m not a car, I’m a rocket(man).
Art has always been the same way. I know, intellectually, that the way to improve is to practice constantly, and the way to produce a beautiful thing is to work on it slowly, over time. AND YET. I cannot seem to complete a thing I have to work on over multiple sessions. I had a very short span in my …late-twenties to thirties-ish, I think? where I had something like patience, something like stamina.
Now, I can barely track intentions once I look away from whatever I’m doing.
This post brought to you by being unable to remember a simple thing, opening my phone to look it up, and getting lost in it for almost twenty minutes. MY GOD (what have i done)
(to deserve this)
