Things, otherwise — also forgotten, but yet a moment

[alasanon]

I was tired today. I ate a little poison because I wanted to, but these days I pay the price every single time. The cells of my body revolt in their tender paths, insisting that what I have consumed is surely something that will cause me harm, and in their anxiousness, they harm their whole.

I can take a small pill, and the side effects will look similar but the intensity will be reduced, sometimes I don’t even pass out these days. Am I getting accustomed to it, the way I did to ibuprofen? (two no longer enough for any pain, it’s got to be at least three; i wonder if i can walk that back somehow, return to a state where i can feel just two hundred milligrams, as i have done repeatedly with coffee [albeit substantially less caffeine, let’s not jest here])

The laying on of hands does bring relief, the needles gentle but insistent —- and yet still i

I

I

I am so tired of this. I just want to eat lunch. I just want to take a walk. I want