July to December, remember remember

There’s something fun about not having to change one part of my backdating.

So, late July, two days past a marking of joy, lost in the middle of heat and weeping exhaustion. Halfway through a year, two days before my own midpoint. A week before an amazing live show at home (more on that later) and two weeks before flying out again.

Summer lasted forever and ever (unto ages of a-a-ages) this year, strangely sharp and clear and muddled and hazy by turns. Certain things are pierced into me like metal under skin, certain things about this past year will never leave me, and certain things faded within hours, within minutes.

I spent so much time alone. Maybe even more than usual? I feel like I saw so few people other than Don. I went to AX, I went to shows, I was alone in crowds. But conversations were almost all with my fingertips, with people scattered across the globe, and even those were sparser. Connections are tenuous these days, have been ever since Covid, since the lockdowns forced us all into tiny rooms and let us lose our sense of other people being real. Don went to Origins, went to GenCon, and I stayed home, pretending there was any purpose other than a violent sense of overwhelm.

I did start selling things, though, slowly crawling through the objects I can stand to let go of (little dragon, how dare you) even though I know I need to do more. I’m too old to be holding onto things this long and the long slope of my life is reaching the midpoint.

It’s time to start letting go.