alasanon: (simple and clean)
2017-09-05 11:07 am

Farewell.

the scent of your fur changed days ago
but i've been mourning you for years
there is a fine haze concealing the sun
ash floating in the air
i can excuse my red eyes and not explain.

---
...I want to have more to say but all I can think is that it was time, it was easy, you let go without a struggle. My heart feels heavy, but it's an gentle enough weight to bear.

Now we wash your things and carry on without.
alasanon: (twisted)
2017-07-11 08:27 pm

a wound, tightly knit

I am hurt. There is a wound under my skin that only seems to open after you have touched me, and it stings.

I don't mind; I have dealt with worse devils than those you claim to have partnered with on many occasions, but it reminds me of mortality. Of feeling. Of vulnerability I thought I had cast away some time ago. It takes time to sew myself up again, each suture a thick black line remarking that I am not as cold as I pretend to be.

It unsettles me to look down and see them -- the past is the past and should remain quiet -- and yet, somehow, I don't regret a moment.
alasanon: (simple and clean)
2017-05-23 02:23 am

Don't listen to me -- listen!

Strangeways lost me going somewhere
walking on and into the drift of your attention
I haven't got a leg to stand on
nothing going, nowhere doing
my hands are still at my sides
alasanon: (twisted)
2017-05-16 02:50 am

third course -- the meat of the matter

I put my mouth on you, not on your skin or mouth, but
on the parts of you that are invisible to most

I touch my teeth to your ribs, not biting not gripping
but feeling out the slip and curve -- each one
shaped slightly differently than the one above
than the one below

my tongue sleeks along your lungs, tasting your breath
the texture of your heaving chest from the inside out
spongey tissue warm and dense and strong enough
to pull me out into the world
alasanon: (Default)
2017-05-09 02:37 am

Pretend you're fine and smile and smile and smile and

it's difficult to tell whether I care or do not care, even for me.
alasanon: (Default)
2017-05-02 02:32 am

Crush me under your regard

You dream of bigger things, of love of hands and mouths that only speak kindness
alasanon: (simple and clean)
2017-04-25 09:47 pm

i feel only simple things

loneliness and pride and despair
sadness and fear and repetition of desires
alasanon: (portrait of anon)
2017-04-18 02:01 am

soft what light

which crippled heart hides the ability to adore
alasanon: (simple and clean)
2017-04-11 04:36 am

Agonize me more

I have been told many things about myself

The two most common are that I am small and weak

And that I am frightening and dangerous


I hate both in equal measure


I am neither, ultimately. I want people to know that I am as afraid as they are, or rather, I wish that I didn't have to tell them that. I wish people could just accept me and let me exist and not crush me under the weight of their expectations.

I hate being told that I am small, even in admiring terms. I like being made of twigs and leaves, I like not taking up much space. I hate being reminded that my state is one that people desire because it appeals to the greater public aesthetic. I hate being reminded that the gap between my actual state and my internal sensation is so vast.

And I do not like being told that I am dangerous. Full stop. I know when the things I say may reflect badly on others. I know when teasing is too much. There's a reason I don't tease more.
alasanon: (Default)
2017-04-04 01:52 am

(no subject)

I'm sometimes a phantom

Ghostly letters across invisible space
Liminal fragments appearing in place
Ominous statements, probably lies
Wayward breaths conceal desperate sighs
Behind the curtain of virtue, sin takes hold
Under order of silence, the weak become bold
Given freedom and mercy, angels on pins
Sudden death overtime, the lesson begins
alasanon: (Default)
2017-03-28 11:50 pm

Cauterize it before it hurts you more.

cut it out cut it out cut it out cut it all
alasanon: (Default)
2017-03-21 04:10 am

Thundering along.

Find yourself a new home and fucking roam there.
alasanon: (Default)
2017-03-14 11:54 pm

Sand in my eyes

To be clear, it's not that I have regrets. Well.

Not entirely. Knowing now the consequences, there are certainly still things I might do,

With you
(probably)

I might let you touch me
I might be tempted to ask what if

What if I didn't
Or what if I did

There are things I would not permit, damage I would prefer
to avoid, if I could
(probably)

I would forbid myself from letting my life be chewed away
Mouthful by sweet and tender mouthful

For certain.
That change, I would make.
alasanon: (simple and clean)
2017-03-07 08:40 pm

There isn't any reason.

I just want to post it quietly and anonymously and to hell with the fandom. Really.

I want maybe two or three people to know.

I want to put my name in it somewhere quietly, where no one will notice unless they're really looking because really looking deserves a reward.

It'll be really odd, since it's so much bigger than anything I've written before, but ... well. It's what I want from this particular piece of writing. So....that's that, I guess.
alasanon: (simple and clean)
2017-02-28 10:14 pm

Sgt. Pepper has no claim here.

it was twenty years ago this week
when I stepped from one world into another
I carried little enough with me at the time
but the baggage has weighed on me since
I don't want eighteen back, not for all the feathers
on a phoenix
but a sense of ease might do me well
my will of iron has bent so many times
I might as well be lead, sinking and dull
pierced by countless swords and buried
my freedom is nearly old enough to drink
so I raise this glass
alasanon: (twisted)
2017-02-28 10:05 pm

Angering the elders.

But only time will tell if I mean trees or people or gods.
alasanon: (simple and clean)
2017-02-21 11:38 pm

Tired is as tired does.

All the rivers were running high and brown this weekend, splashing the wrong directions and worrying at their banks.
alasanon: (Default)
2017-02-14 05:18 pm

Tuesday passing.

We drove down the coast, through the perpetual mist and the redwoods. The ocean was white, waves rolling over the beaches. I could hear them over the drone of the tires and cars on either side.

I wanted to stop and stare out at the sea, but we were in a hurry.
alasanon: (Default)
2017-02-07 11:29 pm

..........trying to write things without laughing.

...well, let's be honest here, since it's literally JUST ME at this point. I've apparently entirely abandoned my former home and decided to move to a place no one knows. What a dream, what a fantasy, ah--me.

Maybe I can be more blatant? Maybe I can risk a little more? Maybe I can access some of the bravery that I used to wear so casually.

This isn't a private journal. This isn't where I go to pour out pain to the few (the proud, the xxxxxxxxxxx), nor is it the place I stash my internal voices.

This is the place that may be hidden but is never a secret.

Anyway. Most of the poems I've been half-writing have been about a particular anime series from last fall. So. Now you know, and it's not that mysterious after that. ;)
alasanon: (Default)
2017-02-07 11:19 pm

The masks that exist.

We all wear them.
We hold them to our faces, a different one for each purpose.